you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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