After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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