I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
