Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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