Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
