Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
