Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the day after is always just damage control
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's get the cat blown out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
