sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
