I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
