saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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