In the future we'll all be gay
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
