i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
