Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize