She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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