I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
