Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
