I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And then he peed in my hair
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