Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
