Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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