I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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