just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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