hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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