I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's the barista slut.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
