found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
