So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
