I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
