From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
