I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
