I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
