Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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