I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize