Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
