Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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