Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
