I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
