so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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