so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
