I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
