she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
