how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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