No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
