i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
