Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize