you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
