SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
