he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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