im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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