i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
