I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
