I don't think brook has ever known best
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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