I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
