Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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