He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I AM VODKA MAN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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