What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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