why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
