the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
