haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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