U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
