So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
