So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
