Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
