why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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