dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
zippers are such a cool invention
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize