We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
