Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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