There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
