The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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