At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
