Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
