i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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