Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
