If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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