i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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